Only a Fool needs someone to help them…Intelligent people would out source in the beginning.

I am the biggest fool I know. I used to think I was moderately intelligent, but as I life and breathe…I have learned differently. 😦

I never ask for help and am always criticized because I don’t lean to others when I need to. There is precedent that dictates my behavior. It is not because I am so self sufficient that I rest solely on me. If I mess up, it’s OK, I probably didn’t know what I was doing anyway. If you mess up for me, then I was a fool for asking you in the first place.  😐

Someone volunteered to help me….then did a worse job then I could have done. Then another volunteered to fix the mess. Foolishly I agreed. 😡 For this I extremely saddened. Because now I am twice the fool, which is just why I never ask. I thought my request was simple. It required nothing that I did not provide. It has however become the corner stone of a madness I should have foreseen.

As a matter of fact I believe Nostradamus spoke of it.

At the intersection of happiness and  “Oh My God, we’re crashing into a brick wall!”, lies “her”.

And she has once again proven that even in something where there is no room for interpretation, she can find a way to ruin it. My request was born out of my own madness, admittedly. I was so caught up in thinking I was being explicit in my direction that I could not see that fact I was speaking to “her”. The “her” that makes me scream for the sweet release of death. The “her” that makes me regret any- and every- thing I have ever wanted, said, done, or thought.

I see once again why my ex would never consider me as her her soul mate…. I am but a court jester acting out the follies of my insanity. 😥

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This house is not a home…but my only family lives here.

Yesterday my supervisor was fired.

After having worked here for over twenty years… she’s gone. One of the few managers I’ve ever had that actually cared about her people. We could talk about anything…and have. She may not have understood me fully, but she was actually willing to try. When I was upset with her, she would constantly try to find the root of it, so we could be friends again. I will miss her more than I can explain. I know she’ll be OK…actually this is what she needed. But that doesn’t make it better…that doesn’t make it right. (Now is just not the time I needed to lose anyone else.) But she…like so many others is gone……… 😥

There was no ample justification given, simply “Management decided blah, blah, blah”. On top of this “they” decided to close part of our company and send it off shore. Off-shore? With the state of our country being as it is… 👿

So is with extreme caution that the rest of us tread. We are so very worried about of state of employment, that it is hard to function. I mean I’ve been here over ten years, there is nothing else I can do. This is a town of call centers and factories, so if they release us….most of us have no where to go. Well, actually I have somewhere to go but I won’t say here. If you’ve ever read any of my posts, then you know where I’d go. Facing my possible unemployment further cemented an idea…a mantra if you will, that resonates deep in my heart/soul/mind.

I have nothing.   

These words move me to tears,makes me shake, and my blood run cold. These are words that no one likes to face, but if the truth shall set you free….no one is as free as me. 😥

I sometimes ponder the thought…”Do people think I say these things for attention?” I look into their eyes and in them I see a hope that I am, but I am not. I do not seek attention…I do seek understanding. I seek companionship. I seek unconditional love. I know me above all others, and I know that unless I completely and totally relinquish my soul, I will never find these things. 😥

http://www.last.fm/music/Luther+Vandross/_/A+House+Is+Not+a+Home

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