One day someone will listen…just not to me, for as I have nothing else to say.

There are few people in the world that I really love enough to like. Trust me, I could count them on one hand. I’m just one of those kind of people. You know how people go around saying “this person” is my friend and “that person” is my friend? I don’t even do that… never have. Friends have always been closer to me than family, so I do not take them lightly. Just because you know my name and I may speak, doesn’t make us friends. Friends are people I would give both kidneys to without hesitation. Well today a woman whose opinion of things I value…one of my friends, told me that I should try to make it work with “her”.

For a millisecond I was stunned…what the hell? How could she say that? Why would she say that? 😕

 

Then like the rains during Ike………I was flooded.

I guess a brick wall did have to fall on me, but suddenly I understood exactly what she was saying.  😦

 

I speak about whining and my utter hatred of it, but that’s all I do. I hate, despise, loathe, and pity “her”…. but I do nothing about it. My lack of a spine and powerlessness has led to complacency and I guess just plain ol’ whining.

I guess she had reached her limit. I guess she could take no more of it… wanted to hear no more of my drama… no more of the insanity. I realized this because of the way she kept going on about “obviously there’s something there”. She said she had been really thinking about this all day. And then I realized that I had done the one thing I never in a trillion years wanted….I had burdened someone else with my problems.

 

Funny thing is I always say “I hate drama”, but apparently without it all I have is work…and they are working on taking that away from me.  I guess in that I am again just like my Mama. She always says she has to have drama “otherwise it’s no longer exciting”. I find no excitement… but whatever, as I’ve said before nothing matters anyway. So this in fact my last post, dear reader. I never wanted to be a problem for anyone, I just needed someone to listen to me for a change.

 

But oh well guess I’ll go back to doing what I used to……

What?

Trust me, even that doesn’t matter.

 

http://www.last.fm/music/George+Michael/_/You+Have+Been+Loved

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It’s not the end, just another beginning

The end has finally come.

After being told she may have 2 months, “her” mother died last night after only a few days. I had been there the day before, but had returned home, so I was not there when she died. I am glad the end finally came, not for my own selfish (didn’t want her to move in with me) needs. But because I had actually sat beside her bed and listened to her “death rattle”, and let me say…there is no sound like it. I’m sure she felt no pain as she was on a Morphine drip…but to watch the family in pain as they watched this, was just too much. As is the way with death; there were far too many spectators, many harsh words, lots of arguments, and very little consoling.  The sisters were even telling each other not to cry as it would upset their father. WTF? Your mother…your only mother is laying there dying and you’re not even allowed to cry about it?  Oh, it was much madness, which I’m sure is far from over. The funeral is tomorrow and of course I cannot be there, I don’t like funerals…it takes a lot for me to go to one and I’m thinking there’s simply no way I could stand it, besides I have to work anyway.

I considered sending flowers, but as feel that’s a waste and actually pretty morbid (why send something that will die to the dead?), I decided I would actually help pay for the tattoo “she” wanted to remember her mother by. I think she’d rather have that anyway…well besides having her actual mother, of course.

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