If a Lady knows when to leave what does that make me? Hmmmm… OK, so we already know I am not a Lady…. Ladies are delicate yet strong. Ladies are pampered yet not fussy. Ladies are adored not abhorred. So we see I am definitely not a Lady. 😥
To this end…I have returned. Hiatus over. 😐
OK so you will recall from previous posts that “she” and I are no longer speaking. Well of course she is trying to wear me down again, but dear reader it shall not happen this time. 😕 She walked around here moping for days because I no longer spoke or even acknowledged her presence. Well then she would stop by my desk, say a word or two while I looked at her like she was lost or something. Then she would send me an email, to which I wouldn’t respond. Then she left me some ice cream (caramel…my fave), I thanked her for her kindness but offered nothing more. 😛 So she resorted to calling. I no longer answer my phone so she leaves message after message of her “undying love for me”, “Oh I’m still so in love with you”, blah blah. “Life’s too short for me not to let you know how I feel”, like I didn’t know. Whatever! 👿 Like I really care anymore. I tried and tried and tried. I no longer try. There are only so many times a dog can be kicked before it turns around a bites you. 😮
Oh wait there’s more……. 😳
So I finally call my Mama. I’ve been avoiding calling her because I don’t want her to hear my voice. See I can tell people what they want to hear all day. I can wake up put on my make-up, get dressed and go on like everything is wonderful and unless you really pay attention, things may seem OK at least. But when I talk, I can’t hide it. The pain just oozes from me like the festering, infected sore it is. Well anyway, she could tell I was fading. She just kept tell me to hang on…”wait another day, things will get better. I promise” (her famous words). 🙄 And as per proper protocol, I said “OK Mama, I’ll try.” She told me I should try to have fun, stop worrying so much. This almost caused me to let go of the rope I’ve been using to hang on while teetering on the edge. Have fun? What? Is she insane? Like I really have a choice in the matter. 😥
But still….it gets better…….wait for it…. 😳
So I had this room that I kind of thought of was a symbol of my marriage (which now that I think about it, it actually was literally more than figuratively). 😦 It had lots of pictures of my ex and I. It held all these framed words of love and commitment. It also held our Marriage Certificate. There were lots of Eiffel Towers, we got married in Paris (Tennessee). It was pink, with leopard print and pink roses. Yes, I know sounds crazy, but trust me….it worked very well. Anyway, I had already gotten rid of the leopard print linens long ago. I gave all pink roses, pink pillows, pink curtains and pink blanket away. I’ve started giving away the art, next will be the Eiffel Towers. But nonetheless, I decided to paint the room. Now keep in mind, I have no money so of course I didn’t buy any new paint. I’m using paint I still had from when I painted the upstairs bathroom cabinets over a year ago. Sadly it will be the room most uncharacteristic of me, but whatever. OK, there’s a point here….stick with me. 😐
So, it’s early this morning and I’m just painting away. I covered in paint speckles and sweat. 80 When my doorbell rings…. Yes, you read right. It’s like 730 in the freaking morning, I am pouring sweat and the door bell rings. Now anyone familiar with my story knows this is not a good thing and most definitely not at 730am. So begrudgingly I drag downstairs, leer into the peephole and what (notice not whom) do I see? At first I am not sure, but as I stare at the what is pacing on my porch I wish my paintbrush was a gun. Because on my porch at 730 in the morning was “him”. The tried to rape me “him”. The “him” I have had absolutely no contact with since early spring. The “him” that was the catalyst for me changing my phone numbers so many times I can’t even remember it anymore. 😡 Before you ask, NO I did not open the door and “accidentally” pour paint all over him…although I wish I had thought of it at the time (Darn it! 👿 ). I was FAR too pissed that he would dare step one foot on my property. I simply watched him pace back & forth first on the porch then in the parking lot, stare at all the open windows of my house and finally leave. Now here is why this is more madness than you realize. Before I was so disgustingly interrupted from my laboring at placing a band-aid on my broken heart, I was listening to my Ipod. The current song was Send Me Someone to Love and I was just saying if I believed in wishing, I wish I did have someone of my own to love. And then the doorbell rings. I thought I would vomit when I saw what it was.
So let me tell you, dear reader whomever you believe is your Creator…She/He has a wicked sense of humor. 😈 And believe me when I saw I was most assuredly not laughing….:?
http://www.last.fm/music/Erykah+Badu/_/A+Child+With+the+Blues
~*~ Arsenic & Apathy *~* 