Let me tell you of the vixen I met on last Christmas morning.
To me she was truly something to come out of my fog to see. She was no great beauty, but she had a charisma I had not experienced since I “gave away” my wife. I could tell she was young, maybe that was what drew me to her… I could not be sure. All I knew was that I wanted to know her but I had no idea how.
Well me being me, many many months went by and with only a few precious and fleeting glances betwixt us. I never let on my intent and she never offered a glimmer of hope. To her I was like any other customer… a series of purchases and nothing more. However, this was about to change.
I received a voice mail from my Mother one lone night and in it she expressed to me her desire for me to not be alone. As is the way of mothers, she just wanted me to be happy. On this message she said, ” A man who does not take a chance, is a man who does not have a chance.” Normally these drunken ramblings of my Mother mean nothing to me, I am jaded to them now. But something about this one was different… inspiring I might actually say.
With the statement becoming quite the mantra reverberating in my head, I made my way to the store where I hoped to see my Vixen. My thought was, maybe I’d say something this time…. maybe. I circled the store several times without so much as a hint that she was there. Finally I decided I had loitered long enough, gathered my meager purchases and headed to the register. As I stood, as usual, lost inside my own head, I again heard her voice. This time she wasn’t speaking to me, but was actually on the phone near me and all I could do was stare at her longingly as she ordered a pizza. And when she walked by me, I made no attempt to hide the fact I was mentally filming her every move. (Later it was said that I was watching her like I wanted to have her right then and there.) But I froze, what could I say? So I made my purchases and left. All my way home, I thought of my Mother’s words & how I had probably lost my only chance.
What if I never get another chance? What if she actually like me too? (No she had never actually done anything to make me think so.) I couldn’t let it go. So I called the store back and told the male manager to please give her my phone number.
WHAT HAD I DONE???? I could not undo this latest bit of madness and I immediately regretted it. Now I could never shop that store again.
But things actually got wayyyyyyyyyyyy worse than that.
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