I’m not sure if I have spoken much of my brother but today I shall.
My little brother is 5 years younger than I. He was born in January (the Alpha) and I in December ( the Omega), and while we are not polar opposites we see the world through vastly different eyes. Or so I thought, until today.
See my Brother has 8 children. I’ll let that sink in a moment…
Yes, eight additional mouths to feed (well 7 now, the oldest son just enlisted in the Navy). His wife (and I use the term loosely just as she is), has the mental capacity of well…sadly I can think of nothing as useless as she is. Nonetheless she was able to convince my less than worldly Brother to marry her and raise her 3 daughters, have an additional daughter and adopt 4 brothers. She is one of those “schemer” types, always looking for ways to “get” money while actually doing no degree of work. But I digress, this is not about her.
This is about my Brother.
My Mother called today to share the latest in the continuing saga of my Brother’s marriage. Yesterday he told her that he “is in love with another woman”. Now you’d have to know my Mother to know why this is the WORST thing he could have ever said to her.
My Mother is very much like me, in that we are both bitter about life. For her, one must ALWAYS do as society expects once they start down that road of “normalcy”. In her eyes, she should simply have an affair with this new woman (whom apparently he has been seeing for a while) and maintain his family. He, however is pondering a divorce (which has been a resurfacing theme since the day of their courthouse wedding). My Mother, as is her way, layed on the guilt hard & heavy. “You have 8 children, you’re going to ruin their lives and your heart will never have a moments peace”, blah blah blah. She added her usual message of true love, ” Love only last about 7 years and the rest is just responsibility and obligation”. I listened intently (something we all know I try not to do) because I’m wondering if I were in her place what would I have said to him.
I’m remembering the joy I felt when my Parents divorced because the fighting was over. I’m remembering the pain I felt at never having my Father in my life (even to this day). I’m wondering how I would have different if they had stayed together. But mostly I am wondering if he is happy when he is with this other woman.
See my Brother, as far as I’ve been told, has tried to maintain a “damage-free” household. And by that I mean, he has tried to remove all the things he thinks damaged us as children. The kids, half of which are teenagers, are not allowed to date (we never did either, but whatever), they cannot play with toys of a war nature (i.e., no water guns, no violent video games). My Brother & his wife use no profanity, do not drink (both our parents are by all accounts alcoholics), do not partake in any sort of recreational drug use (her mother is a homeless crack head, literally) and they monitor every phone call, internet usage and text message any child sends or receives…madness.
But one day my Mother told me he had begun to drink heavily, I wondered the cause but assumed it was just the pressures of his family that lead to this. Now I can’t help but wonder if this was an attempt to drown his pain (like so many others). I wondered if I should have reached out to him and talked to him about it all, hell I wonder if he would have even wanted to talk to me. I honestly believe that he thinks I could never understand being that I am childless, Lesbian, and single. But sadly it is because of these things that I do understand all too well. But again I digress…this is not about me.
This is about my Brother.
After talking to my Mother I decided to leave him a voice mail, giving him my unsolicited two cents. I told him I do see Mama’s point, if he leaves things will never be the same again for him or any of them. I said that I know what it’s like to be caught up in what you believe is a better situation, that “the grass is greener” hysteria. I know what it’s like to give up everything you know for what is unknown. But that while for me, it was the only regret I will ever have in life…I gave up the only woman I will ever truly love. But that my heart says, “Do it!” anyway. Life is hard and one should always try to be happy at some point in their life as long as they are willing to accept the consequences.
I don’t know if he listened to my message. If he did, I don’t know if he understood what I was trying to tell him. Which was that I want nothing for him but to experience life, learn from his mistakes and be happy with himself.
I wonder if he will ever see that…. I never did.
http://www.last.fm/music/Melody+Gardot/Who+Will+Comfort+Me/Who+Will+Comfort+Me
~*~ Arsenic & Apathy *~* 