Stick with me….there is a point.
I’ll be the first to admit I don’t have a lot of relationship experience, which makes it sad that I am so jaded and have no hope of changing. 😐
My best friend when I was in the 3rd grade was a girl a couple years older than I. She lived down the street from my Paternal Grandmother and we just sort of hit it off one day. Well theses things go we were inseparable andme being quite cute, shy young Lady of 8…OK, so I was more of a wild haired heathen riding my bike all over DC in a dress with no shoes….but either way 8) … she was attracted to more than my friendship 😉 . She was the first girl I ever kissed and boy was it the best thing ever. Well we would do this every chance we got until something odd happened.
My 14 yr old Aunt’s best friend, thought I was a lot of fun and we would play in her parents basement. No, not “those” games….get your mind out of the gutter. 🙄 Well my BF, did not like this at all and started to treat me differently. No more sleepovers, which meant no more kisses. OK, so I’m 8…what do I know of these things. I’m just a wild street urchin, much like the Wild Man of Borneo. 😆 All I know is my “boyfriend” is gone, won’t talk to me andI don’t understand why. 😦
But soon I am upon the lips of another. A more wordlywoman, older, wiser :D. My Aunt’s BF (yeah you knew it was coming)…. we never did anything more than kiss but she actually talked to me, tried me like an equal…I loved her. But still I wanted to understandwhat happened with the BF. See, I used to beat those same dead horses even when I was little. 😕
I had my Grandmother call her Grandmother to set up a sleep over so I could find out what happened. She didn’t want me there, wouldn’t talk to me even and kiss me? Well it was like I had the Cootie Queen attachedto my lips or something. It was a very long weekend…. 😥
So back into the arms of my other “boyfriend”. It was she that tried to explain it all, being the proper Catholic school girl she was. It was all lost on me, though.
Years later….many years later my BF tried to again be my friend. I was the one who said no.
It was the only time.
In the 7thgrade I had my first male friend. He was in HighSchool, so I thought he was cool. Later I knew him to be a major creep but for the time he was cool. He was help me practice kissing when he was between girlfriends. It worked for both of us because he really wasn’t my type. 😉 But eventually we became a couple. He would always dump me after meeting one of my friends, but I always took him back. Well when I went to Middle School, I wanted to check out the “fresh meat”, 😆 so I broke up with him. Later on when I wanted him back, it was he that said no.
In the 8th grade I met a rather charming nerdy Sax player and we were as different as night andday. Trust me, the gifted classed were the only thing we shared, but I was in love withhis Sax. He was in love with”the new girl” who existed on a totally different plane than any one there. He was a Drum Major, I marched to the beat of drum I probably made of out of mini skirt that I was still wearing. He was a talker, I a listener. He broke up with me all the time…his Mother hated me and my “worldly” ways. {I think secretly she was trying to cultivate 3 gay sons, the other 2 were already Ballet majors at Ivy League Schools (No, I am not lying). 🙂 } Anyway we would argue, he would break up with me, cry, profess his undying love, and I would take him back. Until the summer before we were beginning High School. He was off to Band Camp and I was off to be a volunteer Counselor at the Y. I wanted to be free, I broke up with him…he would never forgive me and take me back.
After that I was like forget this madness. To hell with always being the one left. Until I met her.
My 1st wife was “special” and not in the “Ohh you have a special needs child” kind of way either. More like, “Oh what’s wrong with her? Was she raised by a Mommy Dearest?” “No, she’s just naive and really really spoiled!” 😐 She was my first official girlfriend and in my eyes she could do no wrong. Well except be dumb as a box of dirt. It makes sense in the box, but really once you add a little water, it just becomes heavy and then you start to see the rocks. She was the epitome of daft. but I was determined not to leave because, I knew she’d be like all the other and not take me back. To make a long story short (bet wish this posts was short too 😆 ), she left me. Who know where she is now.
My 2nd and my most beloved wife and I were destined to be together forever. That is until “she” came upon us. As we all know, technically I left her and as we also know she would never take me back.
Now we reach “her”. We were never meant to be….I have more in common with John McCain than I have with her. We argue, I stop speaking to her. She professes her undying love, I tell her to try again. She whines, I become enraged. She has so many issues, I look normal. I begin to see an up side. 😀 So here we are.
I wonder what is it? Why do I always take everyone back but no one ever does the same for me? Yes I know I have abandonment issues, that goes without saying. But no one ever sees that I too make mistakes. No one ever sees that I too am not perfect, I do and say wrong things all the time, there’s no reason to hold it against me for life.
Instead, me the hopeless Romantic always looking for my Knight in shining armor, has to keep kissing the wart covered toad….it’ll never be a Prince, but the high I get from it’s poison is at least some comfort. 😥
~*~ Arsenic & Apathy *~* 