Irony is a dish best served with a nice Chianti and some Fava beans….

Let’s talk IRONY, shall we…… *

 

I once had a wife who wouldn’t talk to me or have sex with me. Then I had a wife with whom I could talk about anything but wouldn’t touch me. Then “she” came along and all she wanted was sex and we couldn’t talk about anything. Now I have no one to talk to or share any sort of intimacy with….

 

I was always the President of the Man Haters Club. I got older and realized maybe I was being unfair, maybe men have their purpose.  Then I met a man with whom I thought I could be friends. He introduced to me to many people I would never have otherwise met. He took me took me to parties, I had never been to parties, ever. It turned out as is the way with this things, he only wanted to “convert me”. After he tried to rape me and yet profess his undying adoration, of course we are no longer friends…

 

That man introduced me to a woman wanting only an affair. She was as Butch as they come. We could talk for hours. The sex was wonderful on both our parts (or so she said) . She was being physically & emotionally abused by her wife, I tried to show her a better way. She became protective of me and fell in love with me (after nine days), but still had a wife and 5 kids. Her wife left town, took most of the family money, so I gave her money to feed the kids (yeah, I am THAT kind of sucker   ), saw the pictures so I know she fed them at least. She brought “minions” to my house to threaten me because she told her wife about me. Now they are no longer together, but I am afraid of drama. Of course I changed all my numbers and we never spoke again…

 

I’ve mentioned my cell phone issue before, but let’s refresh. My ex & i used to share a plan, worked out great. When “she” came into the picture I added her to our plan to lower everyone’s bill (yes my ex knew). It worked for a second.  Then there was the divorce . Everyone went their separate cell phone ways. Since I am single now I could not afford to keep mine. They both have their own and neither cares whether I do or not. Guess it doesn’t matter…if I had one an I had an emergency, who would I call anyway…

 

I always tried to make sure I keep & cooked whatever foods my ex & “her” wanted when we were together. I was raised that you show your love through your food. I have cook books and expensive olive oils. I have all manners of waffle maker, sandwich press, 2 sets of cookware, many sets of dishes, a couple of blenders, ramekins, fancy glasses, demitasse cups and a heart shaped muffin pan even. I have no one to cook for anymore. Now I eat whatever frost-bitten and expired foods I still have because I can’t afford to throw anything away…

 

I try to only buy gas when I get paid, which is every two weeks. I don’t let it get below half because I’m always afraid I won’t have the money for more than that. I have noticed a great conspiracy at my favorite station, whenever I buy gas the prices will go down the same day. Usually it’s only a cent, at the most three. Madness, you say.   OK, I’m a researcher so I will conduct a study. I watched the prices fall all around my neighborhood, but I still refused to buy gas. Ever vigilant, I watch the board of “my” station in comparison. My standard 2 weeks pass, still they remain at 3.45/gal. I do not budge, I wait. My tank dips a little below half…I start to get nervous, but I wait. 3 weeks…no change…a little further below half.  OK, funding for research pulled (OK, so there was no funding) . I by buy gas at 3.45/gal from “my” station. What happens? Wait for it……………………..the price drops to 3.36/gal….the same day.

 

I don’t smoke, rarely drink (except here lately, until it’s gone), I don’t shop anymore (see previous posts). All I had left was my “fancy nails”. They weren’t much, I mean nothing to even talk about, but they were the only thing I had left just for me. These nails have been the source of many arguments over the years, but still I managed to keep them (my entire female family has paper thin nails). Growing my own is not an option, besides I’ve always been a nail biter except when I got them done. Did I ever tell you about my jewelry? I wear more than most women. I wear lots of rings. I feel like, without my fancy nails, my fingers look like over cooked sausage links. I will not be wearing my rings anymore…

 

After thinking about it. Hemming and Hawing over it, I finally decided to turn off my cable and Internet (only had the “lightening fast” service for 2 months after 10 years of dial up ). They were supposed to wait a few days so I could move all my saved emails to one of my free addresses, they didn’t. I have lost all my important emails, passwords & addresses. Then “THEY” reinstated OT at work (at least for this week). My email address was nothing_fancy@ XXXXXXXX.XXX, but since I no longer have it I guess that proves I really am less than nothing….

 

I saved all my Amex points for a fancy dinner was going to go on with my ex before she was my ex. Then I kept them. I was going to go out with “her”:, but we never went anywhere.  So I kept them. Then I was going to use them towards a vacation, yeah I was dreaming there for a second. So I kept them. Then I heard about a concert I wanted to go to. I had missed so many over the past year. If I used my points it would be pretty close to free . I have said tickets, I have no one to go with and even when I tried to sell them, no one would buy them….

 

Before the OT was taken away, I worked as much as I could. People were staying,”Oh you’re going to have a heart attack before you know it.” “Yeah whatever” I said, ” “I’m not that lucky.” When I got the call it had been reinstated, as I finally laid down to try to salvage at least a couple of hours of sleep before I went in, I swear I believe I had a mild heart attack. No, I’m not being dramatic. (I have read the signs, I believed I had one once before.) All the stress, of my loveless life, my debts, no money, and loosing the last thing that made me feel well…fancy (my nails) I guess finally pushed me over. Too bad it wasn’t over a cliff……

 

I spent all these years trying to make my “house” a home and now I am constantly trying to fight to maintain it with no money and on one there on my side. At my address resides nothing but lost hope, broken promises and tear stained sheets…

 

 http://www.filestube.com/a65c4d5d3146008603e9/details.html

*{disclaimer: Sorry if I repeated previous posts, became oh-so long winded, seemed whiny, or otherwise morose. Welcome to my world!  If you don’t like it, you can leave just like they all do! )