Posted in when will it all end, tagged 7 deadly sins, complaining, ear infection, grifters, manipulation, obtuse, pica, selfish, sorry, staples, unconditional love, worker bees on August 30, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
As my horrible day progressed I have come to realize a few things:
People are selfish
My Aunt is one of the few women who actually does love me unconditionally
Apparently people think I complain too much
No matter how much they beckon you, staples are not for eating
Now I know what you’re thinking and I know I will [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged broken, craniopagus parasiticus, found money, jewelry, plasma, socio-economic status, sofas on August 30, 2008 | 1 Comment »
You ever see those commercials where people are looking through their sofa cushions for money? Where do these people live? I have never had so much money it just pours out of my pockets. I mean people look through their clothes, luggage, old purses, even books looking for any money they may have [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged cable, Dali Llama, fire, inner sanctum, life, pilgrims, tears on August 29, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Well….today is the day.
No not the first day of the rest of my life….because if it is I am seriously in trouble.
Today is the day they turn off my cable and I loose my Internet at home. I have no idea how my life got so [...]
Posted in all alone, tagged broken, Catholic, falling apart, fancy-less, food stamps, lesson, lost, ovarian cancer, penance, pride, Republocrat, strangers, undeserving, unloved, veteran on August 27, 2008 | 1 Comment »
I will not accept hand-outs.
There, I said it. It’s out there for all the world (OK, my few sweet readers) to see.
It’s not about Pride, it’s about being deserving.
Let me explain….
Once when I was little we went to visit a property that my Mother was given. The entire neighborhood [...]
Posted in all alone, tagged alone, broken, conspiracy, debts, heart attack, hopeless, irony, life bites, suicidal, unloved on August 26, 2008 | 1 Comment »
Let’s talk IRONY, shall we…… *
I once had a wife who wouldn’t talk to me or have sex with me. Then I had a wife with whom I could talk about anything but wouldn’t touch me. Then “she” came along and all she wanted was sex and we couldn’t talk about anything. Now [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged alone, debt, desolate, ending it all, grief, pointless, sorrow on August 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Every day is a new day… every breath, a chance to live life anew. But what about those for whom every day is simply a rehashing of the day before? What about those for whom the act of taking another breath is just another knife in their back?
I’m an extremist…either things are or [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged abused, alone, hopeless, sorrow, taken for granted, used on August 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
OK, so I am done. I simply have no more to give, no more kindness, no more love, no more anything. I was already hopeless, but now I am just too tired to even try anymore.
I spent the last few days with “her”. And I have learned that all my effort has [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged free on August 18, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
There have been a lot of bad times in my life…. right now is a prime example of my worst (this even beats my cancer).
But there have been a lot of good times…even some really awesome times.
But I would give anything….I’d give everything…for just one time to really feel like this [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged alone, childless, hysterectomy, old, ovarian cancer, unlucky on August 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Today I was an innocent by-stander of a conversation between two young women who recently had babies. Periodically they would include me in their exchange although I had no experience in the whole area of childbirth, pregnancy, boyfriends…well you get my point. Anyway, they got around to talking about how insensitive their respective [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged broke, death, debt, hell, overtime, sorrow on August 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
OK, so what happens now?
“Her” mother died. So she is trying to lead me on a guilt trip for which I have no passport. I refuse to be the support she needs right now. There is just no freaking way I can do it. I told her that before she died and I’m sticking to [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged dreams, no hope, no vacation, overtime, thesis, tired on August 15, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Today as I struggled to wake up for yet another fabulous 12-hour day at work, it dawned on me…my life bites.
But wait, you say…”you already knew that, you say it all the time.” True, but for some reason it all hit me (again) today. Maybe it’s because I had to choose between buying hair dye [...]
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged death, the end on August 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
The end has finally come.
After being told she may have 2 months, “her” mother died last night after only a few days. I had been there the day before, but had returned home, so I was not there when she died. I am glad the end finally came, not for my own selfish (didn’t want [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged abyss, death, despair, hell, transition on August 10, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
So it begins.
“She” is preparing to move back in with me. It’s not what I want, but it’s what she needs. The doctors say her mother may have 2 months, but in reality it seems like it may be a lot less, so she needs to be with her mother right now and this is [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged destiny, my turn?, someone for me, timing, tired on August 9, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Timing is EVERYTHING!! Remember it…..own it….tattoo it on your body, because THAT is the gospel. I say this because now that I think on it, my timing has always been off. I hate being late for anything, I’d rather be way too early than a minute late. But obviously, this matters not. Because I always [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged alone, falling apart, pointless on August 8, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Some could say, “Why ask why?” But these days that is my only question. I try not to ask “why me?” , because I know everyone cannot be perfect…some of us are in fact here to suffer something. There are things we must go through to learn whatever it is we must know, but I [...]
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged alone, blessed, broken, debt on August 8, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Originally I started writing today’s blog about my newly discovered flaws, of which granted I have many…but apparently I have some I was not aware of. But I realized (yet another) error on my part, so I will not speak of such things today.
Instead I will focus on those things which stop me [...]
Posted in all alone, tagged all alone, broken, sad on August 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Say What You Need To Say
by John Mayer
Take all of your wasted honor.
Every little past frustration.
Take all of your so called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations.
Say what you need to say
Walkin’ like a one man army,
Fightin’ with the shadows in your head.
Livin’ up the same old moment
Knowin’ you’d be better off instead
If you could only…Say [...]
Posted in all alone, tagged alone, broken, desperate, need no sympathy on August 4, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I was never one to think of myself as unique. I’m just as “different” as every other sheep out there. I know there is nothing special about me, I struggle, I hate, I hope, I manage…just like every one else. But you know, people have never really made an effort to understand me. Now granted [...]
Posted in when will it all end, tagged alone, debts, desperate, pointless on August 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I face life everyday with the feeling that it is truly pointless. No little kid dreams of being a failure and yet some of us still turn out that way.
I know a woman who spent years trapped in a cocoon she created to protect herself from harm. She walled herself up in layers of flesh [...]
